sexybeast810

Dear Taco Bell,
Please stop lying and saying that people can lose weight by eating your food.
K thnx bai.
Signed,
Me.

Dear Colt McCoy,

My heart broke for you last night, dude. Last game of your college career- the national championship- and you got hurt within the first few minutes. That was horrible. I'm so sorry. I hope that your arm feels better soon and you will go on to play football somewhere else or do whatever it is you decide to do. Your response to that reporter last night was very classy. I don't know much about you, but you seem like a really great guy. I'll be praying for you.

Love,
Random football watcher

Dear Me -
You have a choice to make. Move up and fight at 205 or starve yourself into weighing in at 185...neither is a healthy choice, but you've committed. Make your stand. And you're only 80 days away from getting out of Iraq...keep that nose clean. You can do this.

Nothin' but love,
Me.

Ok you fat cow... I've had enough of your bullying, you are the most unprofessional Manager I've ever met and I don't know who you had to blow to get that position...

You may have lots of people fooled, but I can see right thru you. Maybe that's why you are determined to bad-mouth me, because you see me as a threat to your pathetic existance.

I've given you every professional courtesy, and you continue to be the same caniving bitch I met when I started here.

I'm done with you. F off. Shoo.

Dear you,

It's snowing outside. You probably haven't realized it yet because more than likely, you won't wake up for another 45 minutes. Everyone's gone to school and mom's gone to run errands. It's just me here. It's too quiet. I don't like being left here alone, especially not while PMS has my hormones going haywire. It's like watching a scary movie: I have to keep reminding myself it's not real, it's not real, it's not real. My crazy-hormone-induced feelings that something is very, very wrong are not real, or at least not real enough to give them much thought.

I had a very weird dream about you last night. It'll be funnier once the weird feeling I woke up with due to the dream dissapates. In my dream, you, for whatever reason, fell in love with my aunt- you know, the one married to Larry. Because of that, you gave her a beautiful (and large) diamond engagement ring (even though we both knew she was already married to Larry). Yet, despite your admitted secret love for her, you still kept telling me you cared about me. You were somewhat incredulous to learn that I didn't believe you. It would appear that even in my dreams, I dislike being a consolation prize. You were a bit smug in my dream, a bit cocky. I was very angry with you, and very angry when I initially woke up. Then, I remembered it was just a dream, but it left me with a weird feeling that I can't quite put my finger on.

We've been on a really good "roll" lately. You seem to want to talk to me and see me a bit more often than usual. Our conversations go on and on until the early hours of the morning when one of us realizes that we should probably get some sleep. The cute and sarcastic text messages and text conversations just keep coming. I love it, but I feel like I'm holding my breath and wondering if it's going to end soon and we're going to go back to normal life- not that normal life is bad. I just feel a lot more wanted right now than I have been in a while.

We're gettting close to 18 months. In the great scheme of things, I guess that's not very long, but it still feels pretty long to me. I catch myself wondering when we're going to reach that inevitable point of our relationship where the butterflies go away and I no longer feel the need to make myself look nice when I know I'm going to see you. Am I going to turn out like your mom, quiet and hiding away somewhere, always working on different crafts? Are you going to turn out like your dad, kind of silly and sports obsessed, spending more time hanging out with our son (or daughter I guess) than me? Sometimes I feel like I want to drag my heels to try to slow down the collapse. i'm going away to London for four months a year from now. I'd like to wave it off with a 'oh, we'll be fine', but what if you find someone else? What if I do? What if we just can't make it talking via video chats and email and AIM alone?

I know it's a long way off but I keep thinking that I can't take this as seriously as I would like until we make it through that.

Oh well. You're awake now.

Love,
Me

Dear you ;;

You're not here yet, but you will be in around 8 months or so.

We're all pretty excited!

I have this feeling you're a boy, though either way, I'll be happy.

Your name has been decided:

Caiden Atticus if you're a boy, Caydian Michelle if you're a girl.

James Owen Michael was a consideration, naming you after your maternal great-grandpa and grandpa, and then your father's uncle, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted you to have a unique name.

...

Hey now! At least I didn't decide to name you Bob. =]

Okay, that was mean. You have a great-uncle named Bob, and he's pretty awesome. Pretty much one of my second dads.

Aww, you'll get to meet him when you get here. You've got a lot of amazing people to meet, and a few incredibly amazing people to hear about.

I'll fill you in as soon as you get here.

Promise.

Love,
Mommy

dear you,

( cut for length. not edited. probably has a lot of mistakes & jumps around a lot. )

love,
your best friend.

Dear you,

I don't want to seem like a homewrecker, but I really do like your boyrfriend. He's funny and sweet and always wants to know what I have to say. He's a real catch and I hate to admit that for a split second, I wanted you two to break up so I could go out with him. Am i honest about it? Yes. Am I doing the right thing? No. Please keep your hold on your boyfriend, because I honestly think I would pick him up in a heartbeat - no remorse. This probably makes me the worst person, but he's so great. I'm trying to keep my emotions under wraps, but I see him everyday and it's hard. Forgive me? :|

Dear you,

Please stop being such a great guy.

Dear bestfriend,
I know who you're with right now. And I know by the time you go home tonight you'll be dating her. And I don't know if I'm going to be able to deal with that. Honestly I don't know. I'm going to try, of course, because you're my best friend and I really mean that. But I haven't dealt with this since, oh, late October, but it feels like yesterday when I have to go back to fighting back the hurt that's rising from my stomach.
I said then I'd bide my time and wait for you to upgrade. Well, you did, and now even the upgrade is over so what do I have to wait for? I shouldn't be waiting. I have the rest of my life to live with someone else. But I just keep reliving what we had and it hurts me so much but I can't let go.
I've got no right to be hurt. I know. We're best friends and I'm pretty sure I love you as a friend, but to be honest I don't know that you understand the friendship kind of love we supposedly have the way Matt or Luke does, or the way Sid and I used to lie and say we did. Because I was the Mary-Sue who walked into your life (secretly in pursuit of Lexingtonboy, but possessed with a knack for settling) and promptly fulfilled all your schoolboy fantasies because that was all I knew how to do, all I knew how to be. And once you notice my eyes aren't purple and ... well, the Mary-Sues usually walk right back out. I don't want to do that.
But how can I stay when you don't trust us? I know you're scared of what will happen and so you're probably going to make up some excuse for not coming over tomorrow. You're this girl's first real relationship and I can't even say I pity da foo' because deep down I want you back. But you don't want to hurt her. Yet you say she won't screw up on account of you being her first, so you'll have to or it will last forever... well, that's the thing about firsts, is they just lose the novelty and you start wanting something that has a meaning besides the attachment that comes with being first. Which is exactly why you're with her and I'm with him. You don't have to screw up with a first. You just have to stay around long enough for it to get old.
And the truth is that I don't trust us together either. I say I do, of course I say I do, because otherwise we would never see each other and I would lose another basketball-playing, straight-nosed, conservative best-friend-against-all-odds to an unnecessary distance. And I talk myself into trusting us so I can look him in the eye and say it's stupid not to like you, but then I cave the minute your finger gets close to my mouth and you start biting your lip and you're so attractive and he is totally right not to want you near me.
I never want him to find out. I never ever ever want to hurt him. I know he regrets his whole relationship with "her," but the fact remains that he lost his virginity to someone I hate... and I'm still going to lose mine to him. He hates her now too. And the only other person I might have given it to (i.e. you) is now dating someone with the same name as "her," who's half-ruined this all for me. I hope you understand that I'm going to harbor a hatred for that name all my life, or at least for a while, and I can't help it, and you're not helping either by perpetuating my stupid, yet seemingly quite valid, belief that people named Kaitlyn only take away my friends and lovers. I will fake it if you want, but even if you let me call her Kait, I can never like this girl.
And I can't tell you any of this, because right now she's the most important thing in your whole universe and you'd side with her over your bestfriend, your parents, your secret Jedi trainer, your whatever. I know that. And you'd take yourself away from me the way I haven't had the heart to do, because you let go of things much more easily than I do and you have your priorities straight.
Probably I should just talk this over with him and let you think it's all sorted out. Changing what I call you two has gotten me all mixed up and made me forget I've always gone to him when I needed this kind of help (or any kind of help). Well, always except when he was with "her." And since I know he's the one I want to end up with, he should be willing to help me get past this – well, past you. After all, that's how we started dating, was a heart-to-heart about how you weren't worth it.
I need to take a shower. This was never going to come to suitable closure anyway.

love,
your bestfriend

Dear friend's missing cat:
Please come back home safe to your owner, you are only a kitten, too young to be by yourself. Your owner is worry about you. Please be safe.
Worry:
Me.

Dear you,
Here's why I got upset today... but wasn't able to say why...
1. I'm meant to be seeing Tony, but there I was, getting with you.
2. I promised myself I wouldn't do anything today, it was meant to be just a catch up.
3. I promised myself I would NEVER let myself feel anything for you again, but I did.
4. I felt guilty.
5. You cuddled me just like you used to, you kissed me just like you used to, you noticed in my eyes that something was up, just like you used to.
6. You broke my heart, and now I feel it's going to break again.
7. You noticed I'd changed my perfume since last time.
8. I am unable to believe that you'd "missed this".
9. You're past; I promised I wouldn't delve into the past again, that it was all about the future.
10. I wanted you, and I know I shouldn't have.

I want to believe that you hurt me too much for me to ever get back together with you, but my stupid heart wont let me. It jumped so high when I saw you :( I hate that about me. I want my control back. Ever since you broke my heart, my heart has been ice cold, but when you kissed me, it instantly melted. I WANTED it to be ice cold!!! It stops me from feeling, James!

I just don't know how I feel. I've always been like this, you should know that.
There isn't any reason for me to break if off with Tony, but there are so many reasons I shouldn't start something with you. Yet I can't, just can't, seem to get you out of my head. It should be Tony there, not you. Okay, so Tony won't committ, but I was happy with that until you stepped back into the picture! I want to blame you, but I can't. It's all my fault. I wish I never existed.


Broken,
Emma.

Dear Friend of 20 Years,

You're the older one, and when we were kids, you played the bigger brother role. I love you like a brother, our mothers traded recipes as we exchanged sega genesis games. As we grew up, we lost contact but we found each other in a record store and didn't miss a beat. You had your then girlfriend, i had mine. Slowly but surely, you'd always find ways to misinterpret my friendship towards your significant other for something more. Finally, the last drop was spilled and the truth started pouring out.

I think you're girlfriend is one of the coolest girls around. She is creative, smart, educated, artistic, and best of all... she smokes pot. All i said was that i wish i had someone like that. 4 out of 5 isn't bad. Then i suggested we all get together and maybe we can someday share all the same traits with our girlfriends. But your insecurities and jealousy, like always got the best of you. Now you've expressed your feelings and threatened to slap me if this "flirting" continued. I remained shocked and speechless.

I'm sick of losing close friends over women. Most of my male friendships have ended due to jealousy or insecurities. But i've tried hard to keep this friendship alive and well. I just don't think i care to continue any further. I'm insulted and offended. I plan on dismissing myself face to face tomorrow with a firm hug and handshake. Congrats on your lovely relationship, may you guys work out your differences. Hopefully that one surpasses two decades. Don't worry, all of your "Secrets" still remain safe with me.

Sincerely,

Jake

Dear you,

Please don't turn out to have been lying to me the whole time. You have too much to lose if you go through with it.
Be careful.

-me

Dear You,

I'm taking the GRE tomorrow! I hope all this studying and practicing will actually pay off!

Sincerely,

Me

Dear rude customer, 

Your pizza was not burnt; that "brown stuff" on top of the pepperoni was your extra cheese, which cooked faster than the rest of the cheese due to the grease from the pepperoni. You didn't need to bite Jen's head off or cause any fuss. You say you "can't feed burnt pizza to a seven-year-old"? It was nine forty-five at night. Instead of worrying over supposedly burnt food, why don't you feed your kid earlier, and perhaps include some vegetables and fruit in his diet? So don't even start trying to act like the Father of the Year, jackass. 

Your delivery driver
 

Dear E,

I'm never satisfied with the time we spend together. It's just not enough, I miss you when you're not around. It was two weeks this time.. could we work on that please?

J

Dear A,

I can't help missing what we had. So easy, so comfortable... almost effortless. We just were. I miss that, and I miss you. I'm hoping to bring a little bit of that back Monday. Dallas green.. 7 days.. and there's noone else I'd rather experience this with. You really did (do) mean so much to me. Regardless of what happens, you gave me the best summer of my life, and I'll always be thankful for that.

With Love,
J

Dear GC,

You are hell. I have a hard time willing myself to get up every morning in order to drag myself to you. I hate this job now that she's gone.

No Love,
J

Dear body,

I'm hating on you right now. This is no way to start out the new year; running to the bathroom every hour and getting sick? Okay, you need to stop. You're getting dehydrated all because it's hard to stomach WATER. Water, seriously, I need it. Just accept it and stop feeling nauseated after drinking it. This is NOT fair, I have missed two days of school already and I don't want to start the new year off like this. Please, just fucking stop already before I have to go to the hospital to get an IV. Thanks.

No lovin',
Your mind