STRANGE SMALL WORLD

Dear Self,

Don't worry. Things will get better. They always do.
You're past the part where things get worse,
so now they can only get better, right?
So we hope.
Just gotta keep your head outta the clouds,
and don't let him cloud your judgment or get
in the way of school or anything else that's important.
Keep your head up & a smile on your face and we'll
be ready to face this big bad world together.

Dear K --

I'm frustrated. With you, with us, with everything it feels like. And I can't tell you why exactly. It hasn't even been a month yet, and I can already feel that something has changed. Something changed that weekend you went off to visit school because when you came back, you were distant. Still are at times. I tried to shrug it off and told myself that it was just because you were really busy with school and work, and you were just getting over a nasty cold that kept you home for a week.

But now, I don't know...now it's other things that are bugging me. I'm frustrated still. I'm frustrated because at times, though you may not realize you're doing it, the way you word things makes me feel like an inconvenience to you. I'm working so incredibly hard to earn your trust because I know that those girls have broken your heart and treated with so little disrespect. But...I feel like we've taken two steps forward and ten steps back. You're holding me at an arm's length and when I want to be there for you, you won't let me. Like when I tell you that I care about you, you don't believe it. Yet, you're so sure that you've won my heart? Or are you trying to convince yourself that you've done so?

Just please, crack the door a little more for me...enough so I can at least get my hand through. That way, I can be there to hold your hand for all the rough times, the hard times, or just when you need someone there.

Despite all that, I can tell you this -- all joking aside, you have won my heart...a long time ago. Like you said. And along with my heart, you've won my affection. I can't wait to talk to you after a long day at school, or hear your voice, or be woken up by your daily morning texts before 6AM. xD I know you care, because you've told me...and the way that you react to things I sometimes say. But sometimes, we all need to be reminded. No matter how sure we are. It's good to hear that someone loves & care about you. So I'm gonna stick this one out & just...be there for you. 

I love you.
-- C
♥ ♥ ♥

Dear C,

We aren't good for each other, you and I. You have dragged me through the depths of your addictions, deeper and deeper into Hell until I can no longer see the sun. I would say I fought you, kicking and screaming, tooth and nail, but you and I both know that's a lie, don't we my darling? For I walked beside you the whole way, turned back occasionally to gaze fondly at what I was leaving behind (my sanity, my independence, my life), and then, shyly, grasped your hand and continued on. I love you. I hate you for doing this to me, making me feel like I can't breathe without you.

It all started about a year ago... do you remember that day? It is embedded into my mind like a cigarette burn. You were playing an acoustic guitar, the sun blazing off your hair like fireworks, not a care in the world. Naive as I was then, I didn't know that my life would end that day. You were Charon, and I stepped williingly into the ferry, not knowing just how far into the depths of Hades I would go. Friends first... isn't that how it always works my love? We grew closer as the chill of winter blew our noses raw and our fingers numb. I began to love you then, I think. Yes... winter was when I first got lost in the depths of your eyes. In March, we kissed for the first time. I could taste the whiskey and the tobacco on your breath. I didn't mind, I gave in, surrendered to your embrace. You confessed your feelings, made bold by the alcohol, and I confessed mine.

Alcoholic, loner, emotionally unstable, I didn't care about any of that, darling. I wanted you, and you wanted me. The snow began to melt... slowly, as if it knew what was instore for us. You got lost in the depths of your addiction, as I in vain tried to save you from the demons and the inky blackness of your own mind. I would have died without you. I knew that. I sobbed in the parking lot as you begged me to save you. I screamed out my anguish in the darkness night after night. I talked to you on the phone for hours, both of us crying as I tried to talk you out of loading the gun and putting it to your head. I hit rock bottom along with you, always by your side. I broke bones in the fall, my love.

Me by your side, we came out stronger. You got sober, put down the poison, and I tried to heal as best I could. But the bones grew together wrong... they aren't as strong as they once were. Fragile... i'm fragile, darling. I love you, and that scares me. It keeps me up at night, it makes me physically sick. I know you aren't good for each other, but i'm too involved now. I'm in too deep. You shattered my heart, and I want you to be the one to make me whole again. I want you to pick up the pieces, hold me in your arms, say its going to be alright. You love me, and I love you. I said I would wait for you to get your feet underneath you again, and I will. I will wait for an eternity, if that's what it takes. You call me unique, unlike any girl you've ever met, you say you've never felt this way about anyone before, and I parrot that back to you, but I mean it. I mean every word I say about you. I say i'm fine being friends, but its killing me. I dream about you, your hot breath on my neck, your lips on mine, my body molding into yours as we embrace, fitting perfectly... the last piece in a twisted jigsaw puzzle. Tell me how I'm supposed to act. How do I mask the pain? How do I pretend everything is fine, that I am alright with this? I will wait, because you need me too. I will wait and hope that someday this hurt will be worth it... that one day you will be mine, because I'm already yours.

Love,
S

If you could call me so that I can talk to you like I really want to that would be awesome. I am stupid and can't bring myself to call you because I don't want to hear that you're busy or that I woke you up or something.

Thanks,
That girl

Dear self,

I'm so proud of you. You finally found something that you love and enjoy. It's a shame that it's going to end in two weeks, but it was a great experience. Maybe the guidance councilor will get another internship class onto your schedule. It would be awesome if the Chief wouldn't mind. But that isn't what matters right now.

You succeeded! The most successful you have ever been. It's a great feeling. It really is. I have never felt so proud to be who I am. I guess when you love something so much you work for it and don't even take notice to how successful you've been become until someone says something. This is incredible, to be recognized in front of the township as someone who is doing a good job and helping the department caught up on everything.

Good job, and never give up. This is what you were born to do. Stick with it.

Love always,
Me




Derek Jeter,

You are LOL hilarious. Enough said.

Sincerely,
Me




A-Rod,

You are seriously the cutest dork ever.

Reporter: Take a minute to take this in.
You: ....OKAY! :D

Seriously, so fucking cute.

<3

"When A Man Hasn't Been Kissed"
Jeffrey McDaniel

When I haven't been kissed in a long time,
I walk behind well-dressed women

on cold, December mornings and shovel
the steamy exhalations pluming from their lips

down my throat with both hands, hoping
a single molecule will cling to my lungs.

When I haven't been kissed in a long time,
I sneak into the ladies room of a fancy restaurant,

dig into the trashcan for a napkin
where a woman checked her lipstick,

then go home, light candles, put on Barry White,
and press the napkin all over my body.

When I haven't been kissed in a long time,
I start thinking leeches are the most romantic

creatures, cause all they want to do is kiss.
If only someone invented a kinder, gentler leech,

I'd paint it bright pink and pretend
Winona Ryder's lips crawled off her face,

up my thigh, and were sucking on my swollen
bicep. When I haven't been kissed

in a long time, I create civil disturbances,
then insult the cops who show up,

till one of them grabs me by the collar
and hurls me up against the squad car,

so I can remember, at least for a moment,
what it's like to be touched.

---

This evening I attended a reading by a woman who won an award from my university for the novel she published last year. There was a question and answer section during which someone asked if she ever had writer's block. Her response was that no, she never had writer's block, but she did have spells of depression during which she could not bring herself to work on her book. To combat those feelings, she wrote anything and everything. She would turn on movies and transcribe the entire thing or watch televisions shows and write down everything that happened and sometimes snippets of what she had copied down inspired her to write. I just found that interesting - that someone depressed could still work even if she felt she could not. (I did not express that very well. My apologies.)

Dear M,

Ooooh, my, if you date D I'm going to be upset for no good reason. It feels so grade 9 again, you know? Me with my huge unrequited crush and you with your silliness and good looks that get him to fall without you so much as lifting a finger. I don't even think I'm legitimately upset by this, I'm just... impressed, and frustrated, and in awe of it.
I can't believe I still have a crush on him. We're gradufrickingating this year.

Please remember that you dumped him then? You'll dump him within a few weeks this time, too, right?

RIGHT?

REMEMBER WHAT A SHITTY DANCER HE IS!

This is all me observing you over facebook, remember. I am am probably wrong.

You know what? I need a new crush. I'm moving on to Philosophy Boy. He's got dreadlocks and also doesn't know what to think about Marxism.

I also miss you and love you and think you're the best.

Mmkay, guess that's all,

Best friends!

T

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/11/final-reminder-for-bookshops.html

A quick reminder (as I was just asked) that today is the day that the bookshop Graveyard Book party reports have to be in to Harper Collins. By 9 pm PST.

http://files.harpercollins.com/Mktg/HarperChildrens/PDF/GraveyardContest_rules.pdf are the rules and info for those who lost them.

Hi Mr. Gaiman,

I was disappointed today to read you won't be part of the judging for The Graveyard Book contests. My not-wealthy, middle-of-nowhere bookstore just sent in its entry, and something we're concerned about is the fairness of judging.

For example, independent bookstores like Powell's (I'm sure you know) easily have enough money and are in a convenient enough location to ask you to come at one time or another. Against stores like that, who were able to put more money into their parties, we stand little chance.

I don't think that it's a lost cause for us; we were very creative. I'm just nervous to know you won't be judging. Can you tell me whether you think the judges will take things like size and location of bookstores into account? It would make me sleep a little easier until the results are announced.

Tusen takk,
Allison

Well, per the rules, the judging is based on:

(i) Overall creativity of the Party, as demonstrated by the invitations, signage, decorations, activities, entertainment, and refreshments.
(ii) Customer attendance and response (i.e., enthusiasm, costumes, participation).
(iii) Ability to capture and represent the spirit of The Graveyard Book.
...specifically to reward creativity, and not the ability to outspend other shops. (That was also why the party had to actually be at the bookshop, and not at another location.)

I asked my editor, Elise Howard, and she said,

Gosh, yes. Here's what we think is happening. We are looking at all the entries. On Monday, we'll send you the best 11, from which you will choose the Grand Prize Winner. The rest will get the first-prize package. So the short answer is that you ARE helping to choose.

The longer answer is that we will be very fair and will consider creativity, which includes work done with available resources, along with pure execution. (Don't you think? We haven't done anything yet; still waiting for more entries to come in.)

...which means that

a) I was wrong and will be the ultimate judge, from the shortlist. (Damn.)

and

b) everyone's on a level playing field.

Does that help reassure you?

PS -- Widgett's Graveyard Book Dessert competition winners have been announced over at http://www.needcoffee.com/2009/11/06/graveyard-book-dessert-challenge-winners/.

This one had NOTHING to do with me at all. But lor' the winning desserts look tasty...

dear friend,

anorexia nervosa is a disease.
stop screwing around with it.
eat like a normal, happy teen.
dont wish for something that awful.
thats like wishing for cancer.
your doing it for attention, i know.
everyone knows.
just stop. please.

love,
your friend,
the total and complete hyprocrite.
xx

dear boyfriend,

How do expect me to be happy if I cant tell you how Im really feeling? I have to hold everything in and just let it tear my insides apart?
Why am I the bad guy for telling the truth?
You and I are really two completely different people... and I think I may need to get rid of you to keep myself from being the mess I was before I met you 6 years ago..
But damnit, its so hard.
Why are you this way?

sincerely,
your rag doll