sexybeast810

It's been what? More than a month since I wrote here, I think. I'm not sure what kept me away, but I think I've been busy living my real life that I haven't had much time to ponder on things.

What's happened so far? (My month in a nutshell):

1. Played for T2 (Currently going into the final leg of Summer League '08)
Yay: More playing time = more chances to learn.
I can run a little faster. I can D a little better. But still more things to learn and apply.
Boo: Having to deal with different viewpoints on how to play a game.
When your mindset differs from that of your teammates, dissent among the ranks is to be expected. Chemistry won't ever happen if everyone just thinks for themselves. I can't fix that if nobody else wants it fixed.

2. Went to Singapore (This needs a separate post, I swear)
Yay: The Food.
Anyone who's known me long enough knows I can go into raptures over food. This trip might have been a bit disappointing in that I didn't get to do all I wanted, but good God, the food more than made up for it. 30 minutes after alighting from the plane, I sat down to this:

A steaming bowl of laksa at 1:30 AM. I'm drooling again at the thought. The next few days were filled with seemingly neverending gustatory discoveries courtesy of overly indulgent Tito Ivan and Tita Amy. They were very willing to show us the place they called home for the past 30 years. I think they fed us every hour just to make sure we enjoyed out short stay.
Boo: Not being able to take pictures.
Since Tito Ivan and his family are pretty well-established in Singapore, they have one of the few luxuries not many people spend for in Singapore: a car. While it made things easy for my mom, it didn't give me enough of an opportunity to shoot. I think I finished just 2 rolls for the 3 days I was there. I didn't want to take pictures of the inside of malls, hence the surprising lack of pictures taken. Once more, with feeling: BOO.

3. Sunk deeper into debt.
Yay: Is there an upside to this???
Boo: The fact that I've reached this point is enough for me to deserve boos for the next 6 months.
I am not entirely sure how I sunk into this pile of debt, but here I am. I think it was a case of careless oversight combined with my mind not entirely grasping the fact that I'm on an entry level salary again. It actually sort of rankles that I didn't get to this point because I shopped too much. Too many bills, too many things I should just let slide. I can't take the past month back, but I can think of ways to make sure it never happens again. The get-myself-back-on-track 3 -point plan includes:

• No more lunch outs. Since I'm trying to lose weight in time for my birthday, this will hit two birds with one stone. I just hope my meds kick in by this time too, just to help along.
  
• No more Friday nights. With the end of the Summer League fast approaching, Friday TODA nights will be in full effect after our Subic trip, I think. And while I might miss out on a few things, I think I'd like to preserve my sanity more. I almost tore my hair out when I found out I was in the red.
  
• Wear all my clothes and shoes so I don't feel like a pauper. As of my writing this, I have a cabinet and two drawers full of clothes I haven't worn/worn only once. I keep getting stuck wearing the same clothes to work because I don't want to deal with the high maintenance aspect of some of my clothes. But maybe that's it. In my trying to be low-key and drama-free, I've gotten myself stuck in a rut. I thought of dressing up every Friday just in time for impromptu plans. But then, if I don't plan to go to Friday nights out, when the hell will I wear my clothes??

4. Meeting Tonton.
Yay: Met my new favorite person to watch.
Who knew Dave Acton had it in him? Poker night at my place in Alabang after week 4 of Summer League quickly turned into the Tonton Show. From the moment he stepped foot into my house to the moment he left, it was one laugh trip after another. See you again during the Subic Beach Ultimate event? :)
Boo: There is none.

5. Realized I have a drawers full of clothes I've never worn/worn once.
Yay: "Drawers full of clothes..."
Boo: No more shopping for the next 2 months. (see #3, re 3-point plan)
*****
On the other hand,
I'm ok.
Still wary,
still aware.
But I'm fine,
coasting along.
I know, I know;
I'm working on it.
*****

What we want
is never simple.
We move among the things
we thought we wanted:
a face, a room, an open book
and these things bear our names—
now they want us.
But what we want appears
in dreams, wearing disguises.
We fall past,
holding out our arms
and in the morning
our arms ache.
We don't remember the dream,
but the dream remembers us.
It is there all day
as an animal is there
under the table,
as the stars are there.